I'm Ready to Stop Waiting For the Future

I am a procrastinator.

Like, an addicted, obsessive procrastinator. 

I read this convicting article this morning about how we need to STOP WAITING FOR THE FUTURE and start living in the now. (watch the video at the end, even if you don't feel like reading the whole thing)
And that's when I realized my procrastination has gotten so bad I am procrastinating with my life. With actually living.

Ever since I broke up with my boyfriend of two years, ever since I decided to get a new, better job, ever since I cut back on piano, ever since my sister got married and moved away, I've been waiting. Translate: procrastinating.

Waiting for God to send me a job. Waiting til the day I leave to visit my cousins, to get away from... well from the waiting I guess. Or life in general.

I want to start volunteering somewhere, but I've been waiting until God has helped me get my life back in order. Because it's all up in the air and I've been waiting for it to come down again. 

Maybe things will fall into place when I land that job. Maybe it will be sooner, like when I get back from Indiana. But I need to stop waiting, looking only for the future (in the future I'll be more dedicated in piano, in the future I'll buy a car, in the future I'll look for a job, in the future I'll volunteer, in the future I won't have this impending sense of my life about to fall into place...) Because in the future nothing will happen unless I stop waiting. Stop procrastinating.

Maybe I will be ready to really start figuring out my life when I get back from the States. Because honestly it is hard to plan anything when you're going away for two weeks. 

I think part of the reason for my thinking about the future, waiting, procrastinating, instead of dwelling in the here and now is that I have so much to fit into RIGHT NOW. Of course that is not always the case. Weeks ago my excuse was that I was still working, and didn't have time. And since then my excuse has been that no one wants to start something with someone and then have the person ditch for two weeks right off the bat...

So I get this sense of anxiety trying to figure it all out now. And I put it off to the future. I wait for it. Honestly it's a vicious circle.

But I have found that whenever I feel anxious or upset about something, anything, it helps to right a list. I am a very list-oriented person. I love righting lists. I find it calming. (yes, I'm weird, I'll be the first to admit it ;) ). I never think about writing a list til I finally admit, yes, I am getting stressed. And this time I have admitted it again. So here's my list:

I have a bunch of friends who want to hang out. Including my sister. And some non-social things.

• Get together with Sonya. Tonight. 
• Visit Katelynn and her new baby... as soon as it comes. 
• Go to the mall with Andrea and Brianna. Monday. 
• Teach. Tuesday and Wednesday.
• Piano Lessons. Wednesday.
• Hang out with the group. Saturday.
• Pack. Next Monday. But rewrite and finalize the list ASAP.
• Clean
• Practice piano

... And knowing all I have to do automatically calms me down. Because I can totally fit that into 10 days.

I just need to stop procrastinating.
The comforting thought (ok, not really 'comforting' exactly...) is that there is no way I am the only one like this. We automatically think we are the only one who struggles with things, I think probably because most people don't share their struggles with us. But they do happen. And maybe we just need to find a good friend or mentor to help keep us accountable. To help us sieze the day.